Next Evolution

before I get started…don’t ya just hate when you’re a nickel short for the vending machine and alllll the people you would have begged asked for said nickel have gone home…so not nice.

Anyway,

It’s 5:38pm and I’m still at work. It’s not that big of a deal except I was off the clock at 5pm. You see, I never thought the day would come when I didn’t want to go home. These days are becoming more frequent. Home use to be my haven, a place where I could walk around in my undies and wished a n****would tell me to put on some clothes! Maybe that was TMI but you get the picture. I could let go and just do me.

Nooooooot anymore. Ya see my mom has a fiance now. At first it was him staying just on the weekends. Then my mom would go into “oh I miss him” and I’d look at her like she had a 3rd eye and say “ya just saw the negro yesterday!” Well, weekends have turned into weeknights and it’s driving me crazy. The weekends were cool cause I had all week to prepare for him to be in my space. By the way, this a big dude. 6 ft tall and about 3 ft wide. Big.Man. Little. House. Not a good combination. Now I wake up to the sound of that negros voice! Not cool. Ya’ll, my momma gets up 1hr earlier than me. She wake up, he wake up, he speaks, she laughs and then I get woke up. An HOUR before my alarm clock..it’s messin wit me ya’ll. I woke up at 7am this morning b/c that’s when I’ve been jolted awake all last week.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd I wear earplugs to bed sometimes so I won’t get woke up. I can’t wait til I don’t need them anymore. I don’t deal well with hearing my momma get her groove on, I mean who would? And I’m coming to realize that the anxiety that I experience when I go to bed with him in the house is paranoia about being a witness to said act.

Needless to say it’s come to this…just stayin at work a little longer so I don’t have to go home to him sittin at the computer. See, I believe we each carry a certain energy or aura around us. Some peoples’ can be suffocating where others may be unnoticable. His is suffocating. I don’t quite understand why but it is, at least to me. I KNOW when he’s there and when he’s not.

Me and my mother have a good relationship. I can talk to her bout anything. She surprisingly liberal at times. It’s refreshing. And I have spoken to her about this, but it comes down to who’s name is on the mortgage and it ain’t this chicks.

So I’m going to keep trusting and believing in God for this gig I applied for. This would be phenomenal. I wouldn’t be able to move out until July but I could survive 8 or 9 months KNOWING I’m getting out *that kinda sounded like prison*

So there is a mini solution to my problem. I’m just going to listen to CeCe Winans “Alone in His Presence” album as I fall asleep. I use to do this back in the day when I had trouble sleeping. I listened last night and was sleepin like a baby. Every last song on that album is soothing…and I understand her words much more now.

This post is some of everywhere but that’s ok. That’s my mind frame right now.

Lord make a way.

Serenity

1. I’m a college student
2. I’m an only child *I’m not spoiled…mom made sure of that*
3. I’ve seen these things on almost everybody’s blogs.
4. I play the piano but haven’t practiced in awhile.
5. Photography is one of my hobbies
6. I’m very crafty! Pillow anyone?
7. People mistake my quietness for weakness.
8. They don’t know, I’m readin them like a book.
9. I love to read. I can devour a book in a day…no matter the length.
10. I think I share the best of both the artsy and business worlds.
11. I want to own a music store and start a community center
12. Children are people too.
13. I believe that one of the reasons I’m an excellent babysitter is because I get to send the gremlins children home.
14. This list is a major clue to my identity if you knew me from my old blog.
15. I’m going to cherish my anonymity this time around
16. I want to be a stunt car driver
17. I want a motorcycle too.
18. Which is ironic b/c most people will say that I’m extremely “safe”
19. Those people only know the facade.
20. Once you break through the surface, I’m many many things at once.
21. I wonder how many I’m going to list.
22. One day I’ll finish learning all the songs I started to teach myself on the piano.
23. I know how to play exactly half of Moonlight Sonata…I think it’s a mental thing.
24. I went to dinner with my dad recently. Why did I think he was on the phone arranging to buy drugs?
25. I’ve forgiven him and pray for him daily.
26. If someone figures out who I am, I will delete this blog.
27. The black men on my campus think that just because they made it this far, I’m supposed to serve it up on a platter. In all actuality you only did what you were supposed to do.
28. I could be right and wrong in that above statement.
29. I’m sometimes concerned about young children listening to what’s on the radio and watching BET. My greatest concern is that parents aren’t teaching them the difference between fake and real.
30. Sadly alot of kids think that rappers etc etc atually have the things in their videos.
31. It’s quite possible for a rapper to have a video out and still live in his momma’s house.
32. Living on front street.
33. My friend’s boldness today inspired me. She saw a nice lookin brother and stopped him. Asked his name etc. and walked away. She wasn’t necessarily trying to holla, she was just curious.
34. I admire my dad’s work ethic and it has definitely rubbed off on me.
35. I’ve been a hustler entrepreneur from jump. I sold jolly ranchers in the 1st grade for a dime a piece. Then babysitting, which I still do on occasion *if the price is right…fam already know, this business..now pay me please *
36. I moved onto bigger and better candy sales in high school. Then a job at a music store when I turned 15. I been workin ever since.
37. I live on a budget. Some of my friends don’t get that. They’ll be like “you got money!” and I’m like “no, you may see $300 on the statement but after errythang else, I got a $1.50 to my name!”. Psst, can I borrow a dollar?
38. I am multi lingual, I speak whitish, negorish, and habla espanol un poco!
39. mucho mucho un poco!
40. My high school spanish teacher, a black man, is now a dred wearing country singer in Tennessee *be confused, be very confused*
41. I got into an accident in 10th grade. I flipped a nissan 300zx *a lil two seater* My mom got out with a twisted ankle. I only had a seatbelt burn on my neck and a slightly sprained wrist from holding myself up so I wouldn’t fall into the steering wheel.
42. I KNOW I’ve been put here for a purpose.
43. Always wear your seatbelt, they DO save lives.
44. I’m just now starting to embrace my broad shoulders and solid build.
45. I refrain from “play hitting” because I often don’t know my own strength.
46. What is “play hitting” really? I can’t stand to see a grown woman punch a guy on the arm and giggle *rolling eyes*
47. I may very well be “hatin”…but that’s cool.
48. I’m actually quite feminine contrary to what #45-46 would imply.
49. My interests range from the symphony to hanging out at *insert random friend’s* place playin spades.
50. Country- ghetto and sophisticated when I wanna be.
51. I’m starting to ramble.
52. IIIII be on it, all night, Man I be on it, all day. Straight up pimp, if you want me, you can find me in the A A A A A A !

Serenity

Hi! *waving* well *lookin around* this is going to take some getting used to. I’m a former blogger and clearly this is a lil more high tech than what I’m used to…but I’m a fast learner.

Let’s see, what do ya’ll need to know? The best I can say is that we are all multi dementional people and that’s what you should expect from this space…a lil of errythang. Happy, sad, serious, humorous, etc etc etc.

At this time in my life I feel I’m at a crossroads. I’m literally on the verge of two worlds and waiting for God’s will to be revealed. This diary, journal, blog will become apart of that journey.

Well, I welcome you along for the ride but regardless if anyone happens upon this space…life will go on and I’m ready for the next chapter of the book.

pssst anybody know how to work the timestamp…thanks

Serenity