Nov. 28th 10:13pm
This post is probably out of sleepiness but I can’t help wonder why I’m not in a relationship?
I’ve matured, I’ve gone through an incredible emotionally healing journey, I’m workin on my health, I have a much closer relationship with God. I’ve forgiven my father *this is key ladies* I just wonder sometimes.
My mom says that he’s out there and it’s all in God’s timing. And errybody know what God’s time is not like man’s.
I hear people say “pray for him. ask God for what you want specifically. etc etc.” I understand this and that’s good an all but can one of these brothas have the cojones to speak. Dude, I see you watchin…just speak! I don’t bite! I guess it’s the fro. I dunno. I guess when one does, that’ll be a sign.
ugggh. I’m not even makin sense to me.
Arrgh. It’s like I’ll be walkin along my merry way and I walk head up, shoulders squared. I walk like I belong…most of the time. I do admit that I wear a mask somtimes but heck it’s downtown, you never know who’s gonna try to run up on you! I like to look people in the eyes. I guess this unnerves some people. Maybe that will be another test. He’ll be able to look me in the eye. Hmm dunno.
There was one guy on campus. I could sworn he was THE ONE. I could sense him and errythang. He went to my church. I could tell he was liked on campus. yadda yadda. But one lil ole problem..he had a girlfriend ’scuse me’ still has a girlfriend. I saw him the other day and spoke and when I looked in his eyes, there was somethin different. I don’t know what may have happended but he ain’t the same person or maybe I’M not the same person. That realization just hit me as I was typin that sentence. Wow, I’M not the same person I was a year ago. It’s great and yet unsettling…if that’s even possible. It’s like I can choose to continue to grow and evolve or I can slip back into where I was. I must hold on strong to my future.
Anywho, maybe the whole point of this is that I need wait and pray. I’m not to hot on that whole “kiss a bunch of frogs til I find prince charming” not a good look for me.
Lawd I just reread all of what I wrote and CLEARLY I’m divided within myself *wonders never cease* I think that is the dichotomy we all live with. The struggle between the spirit and the flesh. Spiritually I want to wait on the one God will place in my life. Physically I’m starting to forget what a kiss feels like, I want somebody to snuggle up with since it’s getting cold, I want someone to tell me I’m pretty b/c I believe it now. *sigh* All in God’s timing. Patience is truly a virtue.
Serenity
