Grow some…please and thank you!
A.
Let’s go back, waaaaaaaaaaaay back, back into time.
High School.
I knew “A” in high school but didn’t really. We knew eachother by association, some of his friends were my friends and whatnot. He was much different in high school, kinda shy. I never knew what he was into or anything. Just that he drove a stick shift 2-seater honda. I think he may have spent some time *a hot second* with a “MG”, a friend of mine, but she wasn’t feelin him like that. But we’re no longer friends and it was so long ago that it doesn’t matter. Then he starts something with my one of my friends “P” and this continued on and off until college. They’re friends now. And coincidentally, I’m cool with “P” as well.
Moving forward,
We graduate. Him and “P” are no longer together but are friends. He’s lost some weight *he wasn’t big to begin with but that’s his perogative* We would see eachother errynow and then because our friend “MF” was a movie buff and he’d get all of us together. And it pretty much stays like this, see him at a movie here and there. I’d begun to wonder about what he was like, what he liked to do. Wha? Brotha was startin to look right nice 
Then “MF” had a cookout for his b-day…well his and mine combined. And “A” is invited of course. Before “A” got there though, “MF” let it slip that, “A” had asked a mutual friend of ours “MG”, why I wasn’t with somebody. “MG” gave the worst answer ever “because she doesn’t want all the problems that go along with a relationship”. Time out: I’m no longer friends with “MG”, not becuase of this though. But who died and made her the allknower of why Serenity is single*sheesh* I think I began to let her go that day. A true friend wouldn’t say something like that, she just wouldn’t. Time in: And “A” had also asked “MF” about me and he told him that “I don’t put up with any mess. And that I was logical *men..shakin head* I liked that answer much better than “MG”. So I didn’t do anything with this information, I just let it be and of course watched his behavior We had another cookout after that “the summer of cookouts hee hee”, and he was finally askin me direct questions and whatnot and I was thinking “well maybe he does like me”.
I know he has no problems with big gurls cause “P” is bigger than me.
Lawd ok, movin on,
Ever since I found out he was askin bout my status, my interest has been peeked a lil bit. He’s a nice lookin brotha, God-fearing and whatnot. But I’m finding out that he likes some things that I do, and that he could introduce me to some things I’ve always wondered about. In other words, we could learn alot from eachother. But it would also be weird too cause he’s been in a ‘relationship’ with my friend “P”. But “P” ain’t like my BEST friend but she’s a friend nontheless. *sigh* All this was brought up by a situation my cousin is in and the fact that I saw him yesterday. See, his sister attends the same college I do, and I’ve seen her around but the one time I did, I didn’t get a chance to speak *him and his sis are close, gotta get in good with the fam* Anyway, I was at the info desk talkin to my cuz, and I look to my left, and I recognize this dude with the go-tee (sp?). I’m like “is that “A”? So, him and sis make their way down toward me, and he speaks and looks me up and down *I am not a delicious and nutricious treat*, but is still walkin at the same time. His sis “talkin bout, we going this way” and he quickly corrects.
My interpretation: he’s so blinded by my beauty *although I was wearing my headwrap* that the words he’d been wanting to say all these years would not come forth.*sarcasm* I was also wearing my peacoat which is the bomb and makes any outfit look good. I was lookin put together except for my ’slightly worn’ jeans and raggedy shoes *ya’ll my shoes squeak* Where was I going with this…ahhh yes. But yesterday, it hit me “dang, this dude does like you!” People have always told me that you can tell. Well, I’m always like “ummm I can’t”, well durn it, I could yesterday! But I’d like to send a message to him and I hope it reaches him well: Grow some nigga. Just grow some.
I believe that’s why I’m single today. There are probably other reasons, but this is the one I’m going with today. They must be intimidated by “all this” *sweeping hand motion up and down my body*. I’m no supermodel but I’m pretty, well built and blessed! *dang I sound like a car…well built* Anyway, little does he know, that if he asked me tomorrow, I’d go on a date with him because I’m interested in finding out more about “A”. Alot of us have changed since high school, we’ve had different experiences that have now shaped who we are. For example, how did I graduate high school not knowing that he had the same love of music as I do and can play the piano? *salivating* How did that escape me? *fainting* I was facebook livin the other day and I found out more about him on his profile than I’ve known in 6yrs. *shrug*
I’m saying all this to say, that I believe I denied my crush and sabotaged any relationship opportunities *I wasn’t exactly cute on alot of those movie outings, heck I was thinkin they were friends, ain’t nobody checkin me out* b/c I’m like “this dude was in a relationship with “P”, I can’t do that to her”. “P” may say she doesn’t care who he dates, but really, come on people, we all know she lyin! She sensitive like that.
I gave him another good opportunity today. I sent him a message on facebook askin him bout a pool hall he goes to and the prices etc etc. Men are very simple minded sometimes. Oh well. It’s not that big of a deal because it’s not like I think about him all the time. He just pops up every now and then and I get to thinkin about the possibilities.
But you know, part of that *him not askin me out* may be my fault. I was exactly ‘approachable’ back in the day. I wasn’t and still am not, very easy to read. I wore/wear a mask very well. Maybe I should invite him to a movie? Call him up and see how he’s doing? But that would be too much like puttin myself out there, now wouldn’t it? I can talk a good game but can I play it? I just realized that by asking these questions, I’m basically saying “screw P”, she’ll get over it!
Ya’ll know this post is stream of conciousness right? Can ya’ll make sense of my conciousness?
I’m through thinkin bout this, I just needed to “blogged it out”. Ya’ll know how it is.
Serenity
