I’m feeling…inadequate
At the moment, I’m feeling….unprepared for this thing we call life
At the moment, I’m feeling….sadness
At the moment, I’m feeling…like I want to wild out.
At the moment…I’m feeling….grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
The weekend was a good one for me. I did it up. I went salsa dancing on friday night. I went to Loca Luna last night, which is a bar/restaurant/salsa/dance club…for white people! By 1am they playin “Superstition” by Stevie with a latin beat! Heck no! I stayed over my cuz house cause I knew I was gonna imbibe. I had a Brazillian Rum Punch that was hella strong but it was aight. Anywho, I was doing good, feeling fine and whatnot. I had a peaceful nights sleep.
I wake up this mornin afternoon and somehow me and my cuz got on the topic of D. So J invites him over to chill for a minute. I clam da hell up. I was like “where the hell did Serenity go? Da fuck!”. *my bad, it is sunday* *ahem* I knew I clammed up and it was further evident when D was like “you so shy man! We gone have to break you out of that shyness!”. Clearly. I was like “can’t I be laidback!”. D isn’t even the issue, this will happen with anybody of the opposite sex that I deem attractive. End.of.story.
I can’t explain it. I know it’s not how I want to be. I’m literally sitting in these situations thinking things but never letting them pass my lips. Witty things, smart ass things, kick ass things etc etc. But I guess I’m too worried about what people will say or think about what I have to say. When will I get to the point where I say and mean “F’ you and what you think. I’m gonna be me!?!?
So at the moment..I’m feeling inadequate
At the moment…I’m wishing I had a different personality
At the moment, I’m wishing I was more confident
At the moment, I’m wishing they had an owners manual for women…yes women..I’m one but yet, it’s hard to figure this thing out.
Serenity
