Attn: This is extreme stream of conciousness.
Marriage. What’s the real deal?
I was watching Oprah and she had on several guests. The show was basically trying to have a very real dialog about what marriage is, ” debunking the cinderella fairytale” and how you hold onto who you are.
My synopsis of what was said:
One of the things needed inorder to have a good marriage is not losing sight of who you are. If you begin to lose who you are, you’re doing a diservice to that marriage. If you’re an independent and opinionated woman, and that’s who your husband fell in love with, becoming a “yes” wife isn’t right. She said that the key to a good marriage is both of you remaining true to who you are but also making a commitment to growth. A committment to being even better people than you were when you came into this union.
I believe that advice applies to relationships and marriage. Dr. Ro.bin wrote a book called “L.ies at the A.lter” and it has a section of questions to ask before you get married. Simple things that we often assume and then find out our mate doesn’t hold those same values. Click here for some examples.
I guess I wrote all that to get to this:
How do I feel about marriage? What do I think marriage should be? I’ve never really taken the time to sit down and think about it.
My parents marriage was…well, what it was. My father always took care of the responsibilities i.e. roof over head, food on the table etc. but that affection and open caring between my parents wasn’t something in the forefront. My parents got divorced when I was a junior in high school, but I wasn’t surprised, I knew the marriage was long dead and I actually asked my mom “what took you so long?”…not in smart a@! way but in truly wanting to know why she stayed in a marriage that was lifeless. She answered me and a big part of the reason was…for me.
I guess what I’m trying to figure out is, did my parents divorce have an adverse affect on what I feel about marriage? ……..
Yes and no. No because I had a great example of what marriage should be through the illustration of my grandparents. To this day I’m learning how and what a man’s unconditional love looks like. When my grandmother was bedridden for that time my grandfather had no hesitation to take care of her, it sincerely became his pride and joy. He became her “Butler” and we have the printed certificate to prove it! That’s just one example. I guess I’m contrasting that to the lack of care me and mom received from dad after our accident. Now, after much work…thanks to OC, I realize that my dad may have not known what to do or how to show what he was feeling…a product of his upbringing. Wow, I just made my parents marriage seem just absolutely horrible, it wasn’t, it just isn’t what I want. My parents are an example of two extremely different people coming from extremely different upbringings and backgrounds and it just didn’t work. His father taught him that if you work hard and keep a roof over your family’s head, then that’s all you have to do. That’s how you show your love. My mother needed more than that, but that was all he had to give.
Where was I going with this?
Ahh yes, my feelings on marriage. I believe in marriage, it’s a sanctified union but it is work. It should be God centered, a committment to not only to me but to comminucation, growth, and love. That’s all I got now, but I’m sure as I grow and seek the Lord, more will be revealed and added.
After all of that I just wrote *this is truly stream of conciousness here*, what my mother has been telling me for ages, just clicked even more. She’s always told me “before you get into anything serious, know yourself, become comfortable with who you are.” I will mom. No doubt.
I feel I’m talking in circles now, so I’ll go. Don’t know if I have come to a definitive answer but that’s good for now. I’ve got time 
Serenity
