EDIT: I’ve had this one in the reserves for a minute. Guess I can release it. Don’t know where I was going with it. But enjoy! END EDIT

Jonathan was his name. The year: 2001, I was in 11th grade.

By this time I’d taken the majority of my important classes and I was passin the time with electives…this got worse in 12th grade *annnyyyyway* They’d hired a new music teacher and was offering beginning piano as one of the options. I signed up although I’d had 7yrs of playin under my belt…hey, who doesn’t want an easy “A”..I got a 100 by the way.

So I go to class and dibble dabble on these broke down keyboards. I was workin on some pieces on my own, so why not get some more practice in school. Our teacher had no structure for the class so it turned into negros makin beats. *just like black folk* Anyway, I’m sitting there one day and I must have been into whatever I was playin cause I felt somebody kiss me on my cheeck but everytime I’d look to see, they’d be gone *nooo I’m not slow…negro was just fast like that* So, it’s a lil fuzzy now, but I think that went on for like 2 days and I finally caught up with him. I was shocked to see that it was a decent lookin brotha but I’d never noticed him before then.

So, I asked his name, he told me. Then he told me that I was pretty and he wanted to kiss me. Now, I know I’m like 16 but I’d never had a real kiss before *I developed slower in these type of areas than my counterparts* So, I pecked him on the cheek, he was like noooo, I mean a real kiss. Well, from then on ensued a teenage secret affair *shakin head* The band hall and the windowless rooms are NOT right…just not right.

Occasionally we would talk *dang that sounded bad…I still got my halo…it’s gotta gangsta lean but it’s still in tact*. He told me he’d just moved from the one of the carolinas *can’t remember* and that he’d been talkin to his old girlfriend. He was like “she said she loved me. I was her first” etc etc. Right then and there I’m ready to cut a nigga off! But he begged and I will admit, I didn’t want to stop spending time with him.

Then came the question I was dreading.
Him: Can we have sex? *he really said fuck and I looked at him like he lost his last piece of mind*
Me: No
Him: why not?
Me: I’m a virgin and I don’t want you to be my first
Him: I’ll be gentle
Me: no

So awkwardness ensued. He started coming around less and less and then not at all. We’d see eachother in the hall, give each other a quick peck but he wouldn’t come to where I was practicing my clarinet and hang with me.

Ok, simultaneously I was also acquaintences with this boy named Maurice *but my friend T had designs on him…the chick was relentless*. I guess Johnathan noticed and got even moodier. Well, he never spoke to me, it just kinda faded. Just stopped. I was confused for awhile but I was starting to work through it.

Then I started hangin with Maurice more. Maurice was coming to find me and was askin for hugs etc, etc. I knew Maurice liked me but for some reason he held back. I remember one time, he was obviously high and I was disappointed. I asked him point blank “what made you the way you are?” *loaded question, I know* He said something to the effect of havin lost his virginity to an older girl *he said it with pride but his eyes told a different story, they were sad* and somethin about his parents and whatnot. It all makes much more sense to me today. After that, I remember we were in the main band room. I was doing homework and he was skippin class *as usual*. Well, the bell rang and it was time to go. He was walkin me out the class and he had his arm around my shoulder. I was saying somethin and I looked up and he had a funny look on his face. I was mid-word and he leaned in for the kiss and got nothin but teeth *poor thing* He dropped some papers and hightailed it out of there. He never spoke of the kiss and then I found out he was leavin for military school. That was the end of that.

Back to Johnathan. I guess he still thought he had claim to me because one day he walked up to Maurice and was like “if you want her, you can have her”. All matter of fact like. I was too through. Niggas think they own us sometimes…so not true. So after that day, I left them both alone.

Ya’ll I had so many life lessons wrapped into that last semester of my junior year, I’m just now processing all of them. Now I’mma try to list them for my edification.

Lessons learned from Johnathan, Maurice and T.

1. *shakin head* At least, bare minimum, know his last name. *hanging head in shame* I didn’t know his until we were no more. Clearly!
2. Find out the crucial data before the physical homeskillet. It will certainly save you time.
3. Find out about his family, his religion, shoot, his favorite color, sumthin before you get all kissy face
4. I learned that it’s important to know a person’s history because it affects their present state of mind. For example: Maurice’s loss of innocence at a young age explains alot now.
5. this list isn’t going to be as long as I thought.
6. oh, my girl T, taught me not to be super aggresive because it turns the dude off. The girl was relentless and he talked bad about her b/c of it.
7. Under no circumstances shall you grab a mans member and wip it out for all to see. Not cool chica…not cool.
8. Never feel pressured to do something ur not comfortable with.