1stly : It’s hot. I was low on gas and didn’t want to turn on the A/C, so I rolled down the window. Please tell me why I couldn’t get a HINT of a cool breeze and I was doing 70mph on the highway. Tis hot. It’s been over 100degrees 4 out of 5 days this week. *running to church and praying hard cause I don’t wanna go to hell…it’s too HOT*

2ndly: I was over at B.Good’s spot and she had craiglist posting talking about a lady who had friends who were mothers and was always trying to recruit her into motherhood. She also gave some hilarious guideliness for success in recruitment. This post made me think of my friend who is preggo right now.

Baby Jesus in the manger! Our friendship is changing. Grab some coffee, tea, snack etc cause we bought to break it down.

Smurf has been my friend since the 7th grade. We go back like Trapper Keepers and Slap Snap Wrist Bracelets…ya’ll remember! You’d hit the straight bracelet and it curl and snap closed around your wrist! I don’t know if that’s what they’re called but it will be today!

So check it. Smurf has had some boyfriends in her day, she was also rumored be quite permiscuous (sp?) in high school but that was my gurl, so I stuck up for her. That’s what friends do. THEN, she met this one lil nigglet I could NOT stand. Just all around not a good dude. He changed her, tried to control her, and eventually did control her. One day, right after graduation, she’d had enough..finally. She tried to break up with him and he pulled a gun on her. GOD was by her side cause he apologized and then SHE had to drive him home. When she called and told me this, I immediately asked “sooooooooooooooooooooooooo you filed a police report right?”. She told me no, cause he wasn’t supposed to be at her house.

This is something I feel strongly about. The Sex and Intimate Violence class I took opened my eyes. File restraining orders and make police reports. Yes, they may not protect you immediately but in the long run, if you have to kill a nigga *ahem* man in self defense, have a paper trail…so you don’t go to jail. That is all.

Moving on….

She got through that incident but for the next 5yrs, he would call periodically and act as if nothing happened. Asking her if he can bring by her bday gift or some other bull. Say it with me now STALKER. Smurf would always tell us about when he called and would say “I’mma change my number” but she never did. I still don’t understand it…I’ve never been in a relationship where a person had THAT much hold on me. Anyway.

Over those 4yrs she’d met someone and was seemingly (to those on the outside looking in) had a good relationship. I myself, read people from a pshychological standpoint. I link this behavior, to this experience and that may cause this, in the future. I’m always thinking like that when I meet someone, so I did see some of this new dudes issues BUT he was better than what she left. And seriously, everyone had issues, it’s just about what bag of issues you can deal with in the other person. Speed forward to about 6 months ago. Smurf told us she’d broken up with the recent boo cause they were having some problems and she wanted to get to know who she really was. I was happy for her cause she’s never been single long enough to know herself. She’s always been a couple.

Here I was very proud of my friend! Then one night 3 of us girls decided to head to this tapas restaurant called Twist. Nice spot, good food. We’re sitting at the bar ordering drinks and Smurf says she has something to tell us. In my head I’m like “ohhh nooo” but kept it to myself. She eventually told us that ‘lil nigglet’ had come by and they got drunk and some thangs went down. She insisted that they weren’t back together, that it was just a one time thing. *LE F’ing SIGH* Firstly, this nigglet has been STALKING YOU. Then in your vulnerable state from just breaking up with your man, he conveniently finds his way, an hour and half to be precise, to your crib to “comfort” you. Smurf…you just got TRAPPED.

Knowing Smurf, I knew she was holding back. She only tells a huge story a little bit at a time. Fast forward about 3weeks and I’m riding in the car with my friend P, who was present that night at Twist, and I get a call from Smurf. Immediately my friend-senses start to tingle cause her voice doesn’t sound right.

Smurf: *quiet voice, sniffle* I got something to tell you…
Me: *she’s pregnant* What is it?
Smurf: I’m pregnant.
Me: *she done f’ed up her life, she got trapped* Say what?
Smurf: I’m pregnant.
Me: *lookin over at P and thanking God I’m not driving* Smurf’s pregnant *Damn*
P: *yelling into the phone* Congratulations girl! I’m happy for you!
Me: Well you know I got your back. Anything you need.
Smurf: ok
Me: I’mma call you back
P: Damn! Her life is OVER. Why Serenity!
Me: *looking at P* Her life as she knows it is over. Why she get pregnant by that lil nigglet? Why?!?!? I KNOW she got more sense than that! *sigh* Apparently not.

Super speed it to present day. She’s almost 6 months pregnant. None of us girlfriends, nor her mother and grandmother like him, because we can all see him for who he is. I’m sorry you just don’t miraculously change, without finding God that is, and become this upstanding citizen that no longer abuses the woman he’s with. <—harsh, I know, but true. I’m still coming to grips with this myself. He has no job, no car, lives with his momma, and after conferencing with the others, we all believe he sells drugs. You don’t up and move to a new city and magically have all these new “friends”…I’m sorry, making friends ain’t that easy, but a crackhead will be yo friend for life if you always got a rock in yo pocket.

MOVING ON…
Can ya’ll tell I’m still a little heated??? *blank stare* Thought so.

I’m so heated I forgot where I was going with this post. I think I just needed to tell her story. Writing it down helps.

What gets me is that Smurf is blessed and highly favored…she just needs to get out of her own way. She got an internship through some nice connections, she tells them about her pregnency and the don’t fire her (her jobs kind of labor intensive), then said internship decides to offer her a position so that the baby can have benefits. Who knows of an employer who takes that much personal interest??? Her boss believes that God has placed Smurf in her life for a reason and I believe it as well.

I know that Smurf and her “baby’s daddy” (I hate that term but he’ll never be a father…) will always be connected through their child. I guess what is bugging me the most is that she’s still in this ‘relationship’ with him. I don’t understand holding onto something that is toxic. The doctor’s said to keep her stress levels down and all he does is bring stess and chaos…I don’t get it. (Did I mention that she’s diabetic which makes the pregnancy 10 times more difficult?) I do get it, I just wish she would get the help she needs to work on her own personal issues that cause her to seek out these toxic relationships with men who are abusive or emotionally unavailable.

So after reading her story. What should I do? I try to be supportive but everytime she answers the phone and it’s nigglet, I get mad all over again! Me and one other friend have told her that we do not like the relationship and will not be around him for any reason but because she’s our girl, we’re going to support her no matter what.

What to do…what to do….

My mom has suggested walking away if she just keeps slamming her head into the same stupid wall….but how do you potentially walk away from an 11yr friendship?

Serenity